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The GBCS has curious notions of how to support women and chidren. (Photo credit: Solid Gospel AM 940 WECO)

The GBCS has curious notions of how to support women and chidren. (Photo credit: Solid Gospel AM 940 WECO)

By John Lomperis (@JohnLomperis)

I recently learned that the General Board of Church and Society (GBCS), the controversial DC lobby office funded by United Methodist offering-plate apportionments, is seeking a new Director of Women’s and Children’s Advocacy.

Apparently, this means folding two positions – the Director of Women’s Advocacy (currently held by Amee Paparella) and the Director of Children’s Advocacy (currently held by Joe Kim) – into one.

As a service to our friends at the GBCS along with the general United Methodist and job-seeking public, we thought we would offer the public service of posting here the key tasks of the job description for this position:

  • As a previous person in this position put it, eagerly “play the United Methodist card whenever we can, reminding politicians” of the millions of U.S. members of the United Methodist Church, implying that you represent them, even though you know this is dishonest.
  • Work to use the name and resources of the United Methodist Church to promote whatever public policies accord with the personal opinion of outgoing GBCS General Secretary Jim Winkler, even when such policies directly conflict with the official Social Principles of the United Methodist Church.
  • Be strongly personally committed to unrestricted, without-apology abortion rights, understood as central to women’s quality of life.  Vehemently oppose even mild, popularly supported restrictions such as limits on forced taxpayer funding or drawing a clear line against infanticide.
  • Work to dehumanize unborn children and portray them as completely unworthy of God’s love and compassion.
  • When tough decisions must be made about where to focus energies and resources, be sure to prioritize women over children, especially defending abortion in the name of God, United Methodism and womyn. Rationalize this as also “pro-child,” since abortion helps reduce the number of poor children.
  • Use the power of your position to try to shift the official position of the UMC in a more pro-abortion direction, in a proud rejection of early church teaching and the expressed position of John Wesley.
  • Be ready to speak out against any UMC bishop who dares to say anything negative about abortion.
  • Zealously defend the divine infallibility of the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice (RCRC) against those Neanderthals who actually think it is possible that there is anything wrong with this atheist-funded, church-endorsed group’s work, such as its celebrating a holiday of appreciation for those who do the “holy work” of performing elective abortions.
  • Personally despise fellow United Methodists who are actually opposed to ALL forms of domestic violence.
  • Any personal, spiritual, or ecclesial loyalties are only permitted to the extent that they can be subservient to and supportive of the above essential tasks.

Of course, this is not the official job description.  For anyone interested in applying, that can be found here.

Based on what we at IRD have observed in our many years of carefully monitoring the GBCS, and given the fact that the self-perpetuating GBCS staff (aside from the chief executive) enjoys exclusive authority over new hires and is free to operate with little to no discernible accountability to its own board of directors, the above bullet points are what we can confidently expect from whoever fills this position.

I would certainly love to be proved wrong.

But with such a track record, it would be rather irrational for me to hold my breath.